The Global Night Commute

The Global Night Commute is over now. For one night I slept outside in Seattle. It was rainy, it was cold, it was wet, but it was only one night. I endured it for one night. I knew that in a matter of hours I would be back in my dorm room, sleeping in my nice warm bed. Perhaps that is what made it so enduring. I knew that at some point in time, it would all be over, and I could go back to my land of comfort. Was I there for the children? Yes. Was I there to help raise awareness about the war in Uganda? Yes. Was I there for the sake of justice and responsibility? Yes. But honestly the things that kept coming back to my mind was how incredibly spoiled and ignorant I am. I am a material bound, caffeinated, naive American. I have no idea what it is like to be invisible.

When I went to Uganda last summer, I was changed forever. I hadn't seen the Invisible Children documentary before I went, but it didn't make my experience any less effective. I indeed met the Invisble Children.

It is such a battle to remember them here. There are so many distractions, so many things in America that cry out for my attention. Forgetting is such an awful feeling...it puts knots in my stomach. Remembering is an awful feeling too...it is recognizing the removal of ignorance and the heavy responsibility that comes with awareness. Lord, help me not to forsake them or my responsibility to them. Not only are they human beings, they are my brothers and sisters. How can I ignore my own family? Haunt me with their faces, I don't want to forget them. Prepare me for what you are calling me to. I don't want to just take a stand for one night. I don't want to open my eyes for just one night. I don't want to be uncomfortable for just one night. I don't want to fulfill the American stereotype. Keep me obedient, willing, and ready. I will not forsake justice for comfort. 

Raise up your people, Lord. Break us, break us, break us...

We need Your help.   

So I am back...after a very, very long time.

A random decision. Ha.

I don't have time to write any more than that...I've got a final tomorrow...

Soliloquy:

On a road going somewhere

Uncertainty ahead

The unanswered questions

The hazy skies

A fork in the road

No map, no compass

Which way do I turn

I kick

I scream

Hearing nothing

Seeing nothing

No bright lights, no clear directions

I am silent

I listen

Assurance is absent

Resolution far away

I feel cowardice within

Yet run towards the fear

Striving to believe

Afraid of the fall

Praying for faith

Trusting

Knowing nothing at all

"Overkill" - The Benjamin Gate

I can't get to sleep

I think about the implications

Of diving in too deep

And possibly the complications

Especially at night

I worry over situations

I know I'll be alright

Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day

Night after night

My heartbeat is yours to feel

...Well that's just overkill...

-----

"Hands" - The Benjamin Gate

Jesus

I feel you near me

Your hand is giving life to my body

Your spirit

Healing life to me

Holding my heart

In sweet security

God I need your grace

Let your Spirit rescue me

God I need Your love

Let your grace shine through me

Jesus

You fill the space in me

Sealing these dreams

In shapes of purity

Freeing my heart

To deep eternity

God I seek your face

Let your spirit rescue me

God I need your love

Let your grace shine through me

Shine through me

Jesus

----

I love The Benjamin Gate...powerful stuff...

All the chisels I've dulled

carved into idols of stone

That have crumbled like sand beneath the waves

I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand

Just to watch them all wash away

Through another day

Another trial

Another chance to reconcile

To the one who sees past all I see

And reaching out my weary hand

I pray that you'd understand, Your the only one who's faithful to me

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well

I've thrown like stones to the sea

I've cast my lots, dropped my guard, searching the sea

For a faith, to be faithful to me

Through another day

Another trial

Another chance to reconcile

To the one who sees past all I see

And reaching out my weary hand

I pray that you'd understand, Your the only one who's faithful to me

~jennifer knapp.